I - Test

Earlier this week, I received a letter from Wardenburg informing me of a free eye exam, which was covered through my insurance. The last time I got my eyes checked, I required a new prescription. Walking into my exam, I had my fingers crossed, hoping that my eyes have not deteriorated since then. Shortly after the exam the doc says to me, "This is what you were wearing. Now, this is what you should be wearing."

My response was prompt, "Holy *&%$!" The doc also mentioned that my right eye is much more dominant than my left, which is usually the case between individuals, however my difference is more than the usual. I asked the doc, "If I wear an eye patch over my right eye, won't that make my left eye stronger. I mean, the left eye will get more exercise." Doc looked at me with the 'you're an idiot' expression. "Ri-ruto!"

Off I went this afternoon to purchase new glasses. I couldn't believe the prices. Apparently, I didn't pay attention to frame and lens prices that last time I made a similar purchase. $300 for lens and $199+ for frames! They're made of plastic! Unconsciously, I went to Pearl Vision on Pearl hoping to find something suitable and reasonable. Luckily, the young lady that I once became friendly with when I was working at Kanka-saurs still worked there and recognized me instantly. She hooked it up big! All said and done, it was under a thou. Eeeeekkkkk!

As usual, I won't see them for 5 days or so. In the meantime, I'm off to find a handy eye patch to start exercising the left eye. What if it becomes lazy?

Huh!

Boulder Women Love ... Poo?

Women of Boulder love the poo! Typical Friday evenings in Boulder consist of dining and dashing on Pearl Street. Eat and drink as much as you can, then as the waiter departs for the kitchen, hit the streets. Unlike the historic "dine and dash" Friday extravaganza, now, before departing an establishment, it's tradition for Boulder women to document the evening with a photograph of poo. "Poo is the new way of life. We accept it as it has always been a part of us. We love it! I'd almost consider eating it," says Emily Swanson, a poo pyschologist of Suffolk Community College. Got poo?

Just In

Adrienne Rejoins The Interent

Local reporters report that Ms.Colavita has made a comeback into the world of ones and zeros. A few weeks ago, she made a random purchase of a computer that would rejoin her digital self with the rest of the world. "She's so 90's. How can she not have email?! I mean, I couldn't live without having one. I don't even know what I would do without my iPod," said Leslie Hill, 24, of Broomfield, CO.

Witnesses couldn't identify the type of machine Ms. Colavita purchased but clearly identified her using one. Curious readers have inquired with the Boulder Post, the first site she visited. MySpace of course! She even has an account. Will you be my friend? Where have you been?

-DC (Boulder Post)

SNF

Chicago Mocks Katrina Victims

Many Americans across the country were hoping that the Saints would bring home the NFC Championship yesterday, just a year after Hurricane Katrina devasted New Orleans. Unfortunately for the majority, the Bears denied them victory. While most prayed for New Orleans to be victorious on Sunday afternoon, a Bear fan outside the Lazy Dog (Boulder, CO) shouted, "Bears rule! They deserved Katrina!" He continued high-fiving his fellow Bear fans while New Orleans fans teared as they watched the final seconds approach the end of the game. Jessica Moore, 26, of New Orleans dragged her head as she left the Lazy Dog on Sunday and commented, "I'm just proud that New Orleans made it this far."

The Saints turned the game around at the start of the 3rd quarter yesterday when Bush turned a short yardage pass into a 88 yard pass touchdown score. Saint fans exploded into celebration and saw light at the end of the tunnel. Immediately following, the intentional grounding call on Brees was the turning point for the Bears. The Bears regained consciousness and dominated the remainder of the game. "We knew it would be close. But the reality is that they never had a chance. They're still trying to recover from Katrina," says the Bears' assistant water boy in charge, James Werner. New Orleans finished 11-7 this season.

-DC (Boulder Post)

---------------------------------------------------

Vinatieri Is Key

Year after year, the Colts have met the New England Patriots in post season games. And usually the story ends with a Pats' victory. This year, the Colts had Vinatieri.

From a 21-6 deficit, the Colts rallied in the second half of the AFC Championship game to win 38-24. Peyton Manning threw for 349 yards, 2 touch downs and 1 interception. "He knew what was on the line this time around. He was confident that they would take it in the end. We were confident of the win early in the year after the Vinatieri acquisition," Colt's manager of towels said after the game Sunday night. Brady's cock scrubber commented, "Brady couldn't believe he didn't pick up the corner on that last pass. His heart dropped while he watched Manning take the final knee. It's going to be a rough night of scrubbing."

-DC (Boulder Post)

Box in the Box

I've been in and out of various moods today. My mood swings may be caused by my late night session at the Hawk last evening. I'll leave the details for another time. Bottom line, I once again left in the positive.

Today marks the end of the first week of classes, which I missed only one class as oppose to my typical 3 or 4. I retract my statement about not having attractive girls in my classes. I obviously didn't have my "hunting goggles" on. By the end of my last class today, I needed an extra 5 minutes before I could stand up to leave the classroom. "I love you!" During recitation, I was caught staring at my TA while daydreaming of a teacher-student fantasy. "Do you have a question?" she asked. "Uhhhhhh. No!" HA!

Bday celebrations this evening and possibly tomorrow as well. Happy happy to Carolina, Dema and Buckriza! My gift to you all ... ""JUNK" IN THE BOX!" Don't "eat" it all at once ... biotch!!

RaveSpace

I've logged in over 10 hours on MySpace during the past 5 hours. The addiction is uncontrolable.

The frenzy is ridiculous and absurd. Is it possible to have 4032 friends? Are you really friends with Carl Cox? Are you really friends with Justin Timberlake? Are you really friends with ME? How and why is MySpace so much more popular than Friendster? Is it the name? What about MyFace? Or MyCock?

Even after the realization of how much wasted time I've spent on MySpace back in Oct, I continue to spend hours upon hours finding long lost friends and classmates. Some have kids, some are married, some are still single, some are barely alive and some are currently at a rave ... Fantasia 142 to be precise. I, on the other hand, am unemployeed, not married, don't have kids (as far as I know), and have retired from the "scene."

Which brings me to change ... My new year's resolution is to return to my old self. C.A.K.E. for me! I'll bust out the old skewl fashion style of wearing the baggiest pair of jeans I can get my hands on with a pacifier wrapped around my neck (underneath my shirt of course .. don't want that out in the open!). Remember, I don't do glow sticks!! I plan to attend a huge "party," arrive when the doors open and leave when the last record is spun. Somewhere between the first and last record, I'll candyflip and spend my 8 hours running treats from one handler to the next while avoiding any confrontation with the infamous BTS. I'll hand out flyers for upcoming events for friendly promotion companies. I find a corner to "rock a hole" with a cute female stranger. At the first moment that I regain consciousness, I'll be alone dripping wet of sweat and God knows what else. When all is said and done, I'll proceed to sleep for 36 hours and occasionally get out of bed for a drink of water, piss and to check the pupils. When Thursday rolls around, I'll find the local joint that "bangs the box" for a pre-weekend session. By the time Sat rolls around, I'll be at the closest record store buying tickets to the next massive. And round and round I'll go, awaiting for Boo (Fall), I Have A Dream (Winter), and Believe (New Year's event) to roll around.

I've obviously hit a nerve somewhere in the corner of my spine that held some old LSD. Lots of flashbackin' today that stems from MySpace surfing. It really is out of control! My box is bung.

516-314-ROCK

Visit P.I.M.P. on MySpace ... and add as your friend!

Post 233

Kicking off the spring semester, I fought my way through campus this morning to attend "The Enlightenment," a study of 18th century Europe. After the traditional syllabus run through, we began looking at the who, when, where and why of the Enlightenment period. As you would imagine, I was unfocused on the class discussions but immediately tuned in to the females of the class. Unfortunately for me, there weren't any cute ones! I suddenly realized, it's going to be a long semester.

Now that I'm no longer employed, I'll be spending much of my time at coffee shops reading Voltaire, Kant, Rousseau, etc. Should I expect changes in my ideas and values? Will I become a different person over the next few months? Of course I will!! No work and barely any responsibilities will induce my gambling habbits. Hell, I'm getting the itch just thinking about Blackhawk at this instant. What would Volaire do? Go all in? HA!

Aside from gambling, daytime TV is not on my top 10 list. Xbox is just not as fun after you've spent a few hours on 360. And there are very few movies that are at Blockbuster that I'm eager to rent. That leaves me with MySpace and blog. WOW ... achtung baby!!!!

Brown, Choke & I

Dark, milk & white ... your favorite chocolate trio!!!